Behind the words
Do you mean that?
You didin’t mean that.
What is behind the words that I speak ? What do I mean by them, why do they repeat themeselves and have similar vibe to themeslves ? Breaking down the pattern, helped me see that it is a loop, but why am I stuck in this loop? Why beeing a victim was so important to me ?
If I kept repeat no one liked me, it was important to me. Important doesn’t mean good in that case, not to me, it is not pleasent to be surrounded by that kind of words. Surronded ?
I kind of feel surrounded when I’m in a loop like this. So I feel surrounded, feeling are real, no matter how much I would try to deny my feelings they feel real to me, and they make me feel…
Another loop. but this one is more complex and it is about wondering, not crying about my past, if words would be having weight those one have the biggest to me :
I feel, Surrounded, Deny, Feelings
ok.
I feel surrounded by feelings, and try to deny them.
Exhale, and wider opening my eyes for that. Loops helped me understand a lot of things. I understand it, to other people that might be just mubling, but I think I was mubling for a big part of my life, as I didin’t had any friends … XD ( this time this story is a little joke), but I guess joke you need to explain is not so funny.
Well surrounded by feelings that I tried to deny doesn’t seem as joke. At first. and rather everyone can identify themselves differently, but writing with awarness is allowing to break down thinking into mathemathic.
Or better to say music.
Music of mind.
Because for me it feels like radiostations, that have just limited seletion of choice, and it is easy to feel anoyed, or be bored, with the same playlists all over again, but even though I don’t want to listen to some thoghts they are keep coming back, the same ones. Like alarm in the morning, just starting to play music of my mind was depending on what I surrounded myself with.
With those friends this kind of music, those are preffering this. No specifics. It’s time, thinking easy, when rested.
Finish later.
