If I will keep talking, I will not hear others
To actually grow as something more, the most essential thing is to grow roots. Something stable, if the roots are strong the plant might survive through something more, to take care of myself well, before I share, I should now that I have enough to give to others, so I don’t make sacrifices to myself.
Don’t water down your expirience just don’t. Your brain is a valuable thing that you can just use to create.
Create something with value.
Something real and time for that is actually here. I used to encourage everyone around, who would be brave enough to share their dreams with me. But it was almost, like there is this invisible battery, if it would be mesuared in water, I was pouring a little bit into anyone I listened to, and there was not much left to water my dreams. I listened because in the past people listened to me so I felt like I’m repeating the favor, that someone gave me.
It just feels natural, to give attention, when someone gave me attention, exchange of energy, in a healthy way. I’ve noticed a little unhealthy pattern in me.
Need to be noticed, seeking for validation, of my ideas, concepts, thoughts, and that desire was strong in me, now I don’t look back with shyiness, but with a smile. Holding myself, asking for opinion, because I myself, didin’t really liked it. Almost like a kid, that practise guitar, and want to share what they have learned, but, not really playing a full part, not finished song. It slowly shaping, the need to be seen was getting smaller and smaller until it became very subtle.
The more convidence was growing in me the more I just knew that it is enough for me.
The certainty is a rare thing in this world, but a strong intuitive feeling is appearing in me, when I know that something doesn’t work for me, how can it work for others?
All of the failiours and all of the mistakes, that I tried to avoid for a long time, are actually just needed. This is the way to learn.
Change of unknown
Situations in life I almost treat them as little toutirials of life, and the more interesting characters are going through my way the more interesting I become myself. We learn from eacheter and If I listen long enough to enough people, I become a combination of unknown mixture of everyone that have ever crossed my way, and If I listened more than I talked, that I learn more and more.
My character is becoming preety strong, at the moment, the changes that are happening in my right now are inevateble. I’m proud of myself, after years of struggle, and swimingpools of hard lifetime situations, beeing laughed at it doesn’t boder me anymore. I’ve noticed that I’m beeing critized about my handwriting, bad spelling, but I try, to make something work, I make effort, to improve it, and with time, I’m just satisfied enough to carry on with the level I’m on.
Sometimes I see people and their eyes are bleaked. They are just not there. The person is not behind their eyes. It is sad to see, people, who are just going through life alomst like they are waiting for something to change, happen. Everytime I wonder, how many times my eyes were bleaked ?
Tired, angry, exhousted, misourable, or anything alike.
A change have happened after beeing exposed on so many expiriences, I started to feel emotional charge behind thought.
“Emotional charge behind thoughts”
So many high quality people have crossed my path in so many uniqe and special inprint that each one of them is alive in me. Just like a book, movie, song, that I had chance to expirience it is all different. I see more and more and this is just writing down random things that I go through my mind.
I can extract
If I read it through and I will feel the smell of emotion behind the words, I can extract.
Extract new perspective, and new perspective is good, because it can make me laugh at things, that made me cry.
