No Compass

No Compass

I had freedom, but no direction in the first summer after graduating high school.
Theoretically, I was free.
Nineteen years old.
Fresh out of boring classes.
No job, no responsibilities—
But also, no experience.
And honestly?
No will to work.

A short episode working in a warehouse had already drained me.
Two weeks among the books and metal shelves were enough.
I didn’t feel like looking for anything else.
It was summer.
Maybe my last summer to be a kid.

One of my friend’s parents had a house in the Polish mountains.
We got the chance to go there and just… live.
Laugh.
Do nothing.

It’s incredible how a simple train ride with friends,
leaning out the window,
shouting just because you can—
can feel more free than anything else.

Summer Trip

That summer was filled with joy.
Hiking, staying up late, watching stupid videos,
waiting for final exam results—
wondering what university we might land in.
Clubs.
Mountains.
Cities.
All in a few days.

And yeah, we came back broke.
But we came back happy.

I think if I had missed that trip, I wouldn’t be the same person today.
If that warehouse foreman hadn’t been so indifferent—
if he had convinced me to stay—
I might’ve ended up trapped.
Not just in the workplace,
but in sadness,
and silent acceptance of “this is just how life is.”

Instead, I left.
And I felt something I hadn’t felt in a while:
freedom.
Even if I didn’t know what to do with it.

This phrase “find a job you like” seemed like a joke I was tired of listening to.

What I Know Now

There’s something about those moments when you're doing nothing.
They feel like a waste at the time.
But looking back — I needed them.
Even if I didn’t know it.

Maybe I didn’t have to rush.
Maybe it was alright to just enjoy being young for a while.
I didn’t know what I wanted, but I had space to breathe.
That was already something.

Freedom is easy to take for granted when you’ve got plenty.
And easy to worship when it’s gone.

Now I try to live my life in a way that lets me come back to each moment—
like I’m already in the good old days.