How Tension Hijacks Our Best Intentions
Trying Too Hard
You try to help.
You try to connect.
But something feels off.
I’ve been there.
I kept talking about something I really cared about — trying to share it. I just wanted to help, make people feel comfortable, connect.
I remember once, when I was going on and on about a topic, a friend told me:
“You want too much.”
It hurt. I was making an effort — and that line hit me harder than it should have.
But later, when I sat with it, I saw the truth:
I really did want too much. To be understood. To be seen. To be appreciated.
It gave me energy — but also made me push too hard. And that energy? It wasn’t calm. It was tense.
No matter how good your intention is — people feel your energy first.
Good Intentions, Tense Energy
I was always speaking fast, talking a lot, doing my best to offer good service in the coffee shop.
But then the winter got long.
Me and my co-workers started having tension and problems with each other.
I couldn’t feel happy there anymore.
So I stopped putting any intention into it — just tried to survive.
Living Through the Icelandic Winter
Let me tell you something about living in Iceland.
In the winter, the sun comes up around 11 a.m. and sets before 4 p.m.
And the clouds rarely let the light through.
By February or March, the body just runs out.
If you’ve stayed through the whole winter, you feel it — deep in your bones.
That One Day in March
It was March.
I was tired
Everybody was tired. And I noticed how my voice was weak and hollow.
I tried to bring more life into my voice. I cleared my throat and started to speak with more energy.
But tension took over.
Understanding the Energy Beneath
Once I really understood my tension, I saw what was behind it.
Internal pressure doesn’t allow you to feel light or think clearly. People respond to the energy you give — not your intention.
When energy is too stressed, it becomes hard to listen and observe how others are feeling. No emotional detachment is possible when a room is filled with anger. It’s like heavy smoke — it makes it hard to breathe and think.
Final Reflection
So before trying to fix things, I ask myself now:
Am I calm enough to actually connect?
Or am I just pushing noise into the room?
Tension doesn’t just ruin intention —
it replaces it.
