Trying Too Hard
You try to help.
You try to connect.
But something feels off.
I’ve been there.
I kept talking about something I really cared about, trying to share it.
I just wanted to help out, make people feel comfortable, to connect.
I remember once, when I was talking too much about one specific topic, and my friend told me:
“You want too much.”
It hurt back then.
I was really trying to make an effort — and that comment hit me harder than it should have.
But over time, as I processed it, I came to a conclusion:
I really did want too much.
Too much of being understood, seen, appreciated.
And while it gave me energy to keep going and doing things, I was really making too much of an effort.
I was tense.
No matter how good your intention is —
if the energy is off, people feel that first.
Good Intentions, Tense Energy
I was always speaking fast, speaking a lot, doing my best to offer good service in the coffee shop.
But then the winter got long, and my co-workers had a lot of tension and problems with each other.
I wasn’t able to be happy there anymore.
So I stopped putting any intention into it — just tried to survive.
Living Through the Icelandic Winter
Let me tell you something about living in Iceland.
In the winter, the sun goes up around 11 a.m. and sets before 4 p.m.
And the clouds rarely let the light through.
In February and March, the body just runs out.
If you’ve stayed the whole winter, you feel it.
Deep in your bones.
